The end 

well after a lot of thought these past two days, I am going to go off of this diet. No I am not going to get a cheeseburger, or eat a loaf of bread, its just that
a)I feel like ass on this diet
b)yes, i've lost weight 5lbs now, but I think that the book is sort of misleading in that it advertises you are going to lose A LOT of weight quick. I am impatient, that's why I chose it. I also does not empasize that you need to excercise that much. Bullshit
c) I realized that if I want to live a normal life, a normal thin life without having to be neurotic about my food choices..

1)If I want to lose weight and drink this shit is not going to work.
2)I need to drink water. I am so bad about this
3)I need to excercise

With this all said, I and a co-worker have decided to join Weight Watchers. I've done it before..I mean, I can at least have a beer without guilt and lose weight. She and I are also joining curves together.

I just feel like this Carbo thing is making me nuts. I have been very good. I mean today, let's see I had a1/2 a small bagel and a few pieces of mandrin oranges, and some beans..I don't know. Its just not USER FRIENDLy.

Things I will take away from this experience though, is that I will watch what carbs I do eat, I am going to even on WW, try to make sure I limit my bad carb choices, and also eating more veggies, bringing lunches, not pigging out. I havent' hit the vending machine.

So with this all said. For those of you, and I think you are few, who have read this blog. Adios. I've decided to keep blogging, and that is another thing. I have so much else to write and the topic of this blog has limited me. Perhaps I will try the SBD again, but if I blog it, it will be in another context.



I started phase II yesterday..but all weekend, I truly felt like maybe this is not the diet for me. Its not that I miss certain foods per se, its just that i feel like i am not losing a lot of weight 4lbs..in fact today i feel like i've gained weight.

Also, and perhaps this is an whole other thread, but I do socially go out and drink usually 3x a week. I wouldn't classify myself as an alcholic, as i don't *need* to drink, but I do *like8 to drink..I guess its part of my socialization..going out with my friends for beer/cocktails, seeing local bands..I don't want to do what a friend i know who was on WW did--she'd save all her points for one day for drinking and then be starving. Also, a lot of the places I go do not serve good wine. I like wine a lot, and i refuse to have a crappy class of it...

On a postive note, I definitely am eating healthier on this diet i.e more veggies, but I just don't know. Maybe I am retaining water.


Oh YEah 

on a positive note. I have a date tommorrow off of Friendster! He seems like a nice cat.

Second Thoughts 

Sorry i've been so slack this weekend. I was too busy losing brain cells and sleep.
I am kind of having 2nd thoughts about this diet. Truly. 1)my stomach has felt nasty for a couple of days, not unsimilar to how I felt on Atkins...that gross non-bread feeling. I already take meds for reflux. In anycase, i put my ass on Phase II today, eating a piece of bread was not as thrillng as I thought it would be, but I do feel a bit better.

I did have a momentary laspe of reasoning this weekend. It was 4 am, my friend had made some homemade eggrolls and sweet and sour sauce. 'nuff said.

I am going to stay on track this week and weigh myself either tommorrow or wed. i can't join the gym as planned--$$$. Next payday hopefully. I am going to try some walking if its not storming out tonight

meanwhile, i am freaking out because i had surgery to remove a pilonoidal cyst this winter, and I think its returning and I can't NOT take another surgery, and recovery again. I just can't. I am also going to go see that cunt bitch dematologist who led me to believe I might have POCD today, for another thing. I promise to be nice.


If you like Pina Coladas.. 

So last night I was invited to the local tropical theme restaurant by a co-worker. I hate theme restaurants, and this one in particular is a nightmare, as the last time and the only other time i went there it was an annoying combo of Jimmy Buffet fans and ghetto fab. I went though, as I figured it is always good to show your face on occassion at work functions.

She had invited some of her other friends. One was a woman I will call 'diet damage' girl. I had brought up that I was doing the SBD, as I couldn't have one of the awesome looking fruity concoctions. This girl was very thin, and to make a long story short was your classic weight obssessed skinny woman. "I haven't eaten pasta in years!" "I always count fat!" I wanted to kick her ass until she revealed she used to be very heavy. I really dont want to get like that. Like I am borderline carb paranoia already. My mother, who has since past, let dieting rule her life and kind of mine. Thin=happy. Fat=sad. I will get into it another day.

So it wasn't super hard to order, I got this scallop dish that normally has pasta, but I requested extra asparagus instead. It was good, not a whole lot of food, but I was moderately full.

Afterwards, I made my escape to my scale having friends house. I guess it was a bad time to weigh myself==night, I had just eaten, clothes on etc.. In any case I think I lost 4 lbs. By THINK, is that I mean, the last time I weighed myself, I was butt-nekkid, post sex, at this bozo's house to whom I no longer speak. His scale was pretty damn old, and this one was fresh out of the box. I can tell I've lost some by how my clothes fit. Like this blouse I am wearing today normally sort of stretches a lot in the chest area. Not today!!!

Regardless, I have 50lbs to go. I want to be the 123 I was. Its seem so impossible. So far away. i can't even think of how I got to that weight so long ago. I forgot what it feels like. I have to accept, I am going to have to excercise. We get paid next week, and I am going to Curves. I dont' know if i've mentioned it, but all my weight is truly in my gut. I have a big belly and little legs. Though not as little as they once were....

I must pretend to work ;-)


long day 

Been quite busy here @ work today with a mailing. I started my day off properly with two eggs and a piece of turkey bacon, I brought the rest with me to put in my salad, but I ended up running errands with a friend @ lunch..we went to this Taco Bell/KFC combo (the girl is skinny) That is definitely one place where you can not do the SBD. I did my best as I was famished, and got a burrito and a soft taco and just ate the insides. I must say, I held the empty tortillas in my hand afterwards--pretty heavy. Its a few hours later and I am eating my ricotta dessert. I made a few last night and put them under the broiler in hopes that it would improve the flavor. Not really. I think its the texture of the fat-free ricotta that does not thrill me. I am using plenty of spenda and vanilla, and i am using good unsweeted chocolateghirardell. There is one of those Delites places near my house, and they supposedly have good sugar free low carb ice cream, I am going to check it out.

Meanwhile, I forgot I DID NOT WEIGH in. Nope. I was half way to Kelly's house, stopped for batteries for the scale and my stomach just started grumbling. I knew I wouldn't make it to her house, so quickly drove home. I think it was the large amount of veggies I ate. Or perhaps it was that lone bite of chicken. Stupid clucker.

One more comment on the other SBD blog, I just looked at it, its like quotes from the book. Whatever. I feel her paint. We're all on the USS FAT wanting to be on the Skinny Ship. I blogrolled it, the link is on the page.


Weigh In, Way Out 

Two things:
a)I am going to weigh myself for the first time since i've started this diet tonight. I am scared.
b)Looks like I got some blogpetition I am tempted to be jealous or pissed off or to be lilke I tarted this first, but I got to support my peeps. I just didn't take that url, as I thought with my luck I'd get sued or something.
c)part of me wants to make this just a regular stinking blog, as there are lots of things I'd like to share that are more adult oriented, but I guess I can do two blogs. Can't I?

wish me luck!

P.S. Dinner was leftover from last night. I couldn't' eat the chicken. Just couldn't.

blogger is being nuts, i think i just lost my last post.
more later folks..


My ears are popping like I am 50 thousand feet up in the air. I went swimming after work last night. My pool is not too long, but I managed a couple of laps. I am so out of shape. I would of done more laps though, had I not got suckered in by this woman to watch her two kids while she went to get laundry. I am no lifeguard, I should of said no. One of the boys scraped his toes and I was sure I had a law suit on my hands, but she was ok with it, though she implied I stole one of the boys toys. Whatever.
Stuck to the diet last night--had tofu stirfry. I made some chicken for tonight. You know, I really hate chicken. I need to quit buying it. I mean, I never CRAVE chicken. Do you? I mean sure hot wings, and some KFC ain't shabby. My mother made decent roast chicken, but it just is kind of 'eh.' I could live without chickens--well not their eggs.
Ok, I did have 3/4 a Corona, but fuggedabout it.
Just ate what was supposed to be my lunch yesterday, and was sort of my brunch today-leftover steak and asparagus.
my boss is out of town, and she forgot to tell me. lucky for me, because i overslept--again.



Kroger has Mt. Olive bread and butter pickles with Splenda. Allright. I think though that that company was doing some evil crap to migrant workers or still is, there was a boycott against them.
Apparently, it didn't bother me enough to remember what happened.
I wish I didn't love beer so much.
Its sad i am thinking about beer at almost 2pm. I think I need to get off the next stop of the party train.

Feeling Weak 

"Hey, there is cantelope and chocolate in the breakroom"
some evil person left cookies there earlier.
i am strong i am strong i am strong


Back on Track 

So I took my tired butt home and took a nap after work. I woke up sweating and feeling kind of discombulated, and hungry. I ate a few of those fake crab meat things, and went to the grocery store, because a lot of the produce I hate bought went bad over the weekend, and I had ran out of eggs and cheese. This dieting is expensive. I left the store $71 lighter! Granted, some stuff like the Laughing Cow is $2.99, but they had the light kind in, so I grabbed two ( I didn't notice the book saying to eat the light kind, but on a list I belong too, people were talking about it, it couldn't hurt)..two things of hummus. I was also too lazy to cook, so I bought some roasted asparagus, and lime cilanto steak whcih i picked the potatoes of off, and had a small salad. When I was not dieting, i was eating so much pasta and ramen noodles, so that stuff is cheap. When I was a kid, I was always confused when I saw poor fat people, now that I am a broke adult, I totally understand. Cheap food is fattening.

Another observation: I can now navigate the store without going down certain isles, it makes life a lot easier.

Kelly said I can come over and weigh myself this week. I don't own a scale. I'd be a slave to it. This one woman at work had one in her cube b/c we had Weight Watchers there (our own bootleg version), but she was gone and so was her scale.

Ted made me an awesome logo for this site. When I get paid, I am upgrading my bloger and blogspot, so hopefully my loyal readers will have a spell-checked, ad-free page to read.

I guess I will sleep.

off topic 

This has nothing to do with dieting, but damn if its not a modern problem. I went to Friendster.com to send a message to a friend, only to find out my ex-boyfriend, who totally stalked me and made my life a big ball of nerves is in my network. Agghhhhhhhh! He's such a turd. Plus his profile says he's in a relationship, which, I have a hard time beliving as I see his dumb ass out all the time--A LONE. Of course ,a friend saw him out-of town with some girl, but we have not had a spotting of said woman. Perhaps she's an internet goil. Its not like I care, its just that he's such a piece of shit and I guess its irritating to think that he has a sig o first, which is not reallly true, as I have dated quite a bit lately, but I put a halt to the internet dating crap after my last (aggh, annoying co-worker interruption) foray.

i am sort of back 

I feel like utter ass today. Perhaps it is because I was up until 2 am, drinking and singing at "Rick's" cookout. I mean, I had a wonderful time, an old college pal showed up, and post fireworks, and yes Hot Dogs-(-I had like spoonful of potato salad, but I think 6 beers and Cap't Morgans and pineapple negated any efforts) he scouted out the guitar, and our rock'n'roll asses were singing and having a wonderful time. So, that was the 4th day in a row I slept on a couch. Ouch! Somehow I woke up, dragged myself home in time to take a shower and got to work, I didn't have time to cook, so I started back on Phase I, my messed up version, with a cheese stick and a piece of ham that freaked me out and I threw out the car window (hey, its biodegrable) I had a 1.2 can tuna @ work, but that grossed me out as well. "Sandy" took me to lunch today. The deli didnt' have any salad left--there delivery was messed up b/c of the holiday so I had a hamburger no bun, and some onion soup no croutons..I was sort of stumped what to eat. I couldn't after she asked me why I had these bruises on my arms (who the hell knows), and she said "It looks like someone niggerfrogged you"--this girl is so crass and racist and I am like "what?!" She goes on to say its like a nuggie, but not on your head. I am not PC at all, but that one threw me for a loop. Free lunch with a racist..


Next on "Cheaters" 

Have you ever seen that inane reality show "Cheaters?" Its soo bad, its good--they bust the person who is cheating in a realtionship and confront them, usualy its an illerate lesbian black couple or a some rednecks with no teeth..well, if there was one for food there would be me being hunted down for cheating on this fucking diet. sigh.


As predicted, I partied from the moment I put my ass in "Bob's" car (his girfried was DD) and I guess not having any carbs all week made the beer do a double whammy on my ass, because I was trashed the moment my foot got out of the car in richmond. I had a wonderful time, and despite that I drank a shitload, I didn't eat a whole hell of a lot--though on Friday am, I woke up to everyone muching on Doritos and popcorn, but we went out for lunch and I had a greek salad, a grilled cheese (bad! but when you're hungove ryou have to have grease), and two bloody marys. We walked around all day, so I really wasn't too concerned, and I didn't eat the fries that came with the sandwhich, ok one or two..that night we ate out again, and I got a hamburger, but I didn't eat the bun and yes, I ate a couple of fries, but we also had some nachos..and Beer..

Yesterday what iddi I eat, 1/2 a crappy roastbeef sanwhich from Hardee's. Yucko place, and I really don't trust their chicken. My dad and I ended up at Chili's and I did fairly well there, I had some kind of southwest salad, but I asked them for no corn or tortillas. but then I had a beer. Then I watched movies ('The legend of Ron Jermey" and "Slingblade") with my friends, and I ended up with POPCORN and a slice of pizza.

But I SWEAR Y'all, I am thiner today than I was last week, granted I am almost off my period, but I feel it.

So I just got on back on track this morning iwth my eggs and turkey bacon. I have one last fete' to attend to today, so we'll see.

I will try to be good. I am going to the pool.


speedy gonzalez 

Well I will be silent for a couple o' days as I will be out of town drinking myself into submission..no its not pathetic, its fun. I decided not to fret about the SBD on the 4th. Its one day--its weeks of a beer here, a beer there that ad up, I still will watch what i eat though..Looks like Vodka has no carbs, and I'll learn to like Michelob low-carb. I went out of town with these guys for my birthday, so I know what is in store. Let's put it this way, we tend to leave bartenders shaking in their shoes.

In the interim, I was soo hurried this morning, all I ate was a few cashews, a laugh cow cheese, I am finishing up a "Lemon Twist" V8, very yummy, and dare I admit it--a small Slim-Jim. Hell, I was at the Handy-Hugo attached to a MCDonald's that's pretty damn good.

ohh here's my letter see you later!

I am waitng for my boss to send me a letter so I'll be running around the rest of the afternoon.



I have had a throbbing headache since about 5 o'clock..I have drank water today, probably not enough, I am going to grab a bottle as soon as finiahs typing. From what I gather on this diet, if you get dehydrated you can mess up your kidneys. I need that lilke a hole in my head.

I forgot to defrost any chicken, so I opted for tofu--I made basically ghetto stirfry: tofu, frozen veggies, and about 500 spices, Sriracha sauce, soy sauce, ginger, water chestnuts, more scallions (that's what happens when you're single and a fridge full of veggies--y ou have to eat them all at once), and a few cashews. It was quite yummy, and I didn't really care if I had rice or not. In the meantime I screwed up by opening my bag of cashews--I had bought a big back at J.R.Tobacco (this humongus tsckotche shop of crap you really don't need, but some cool stuff mixed in like discontinued cosmetics and perfume) on the way home from GSO awhile back "for company" and now that it open, its one of those foods I can't stop eating. I've been good. Its that salty/fat combo that gets me every time.

must go pick up my laundry.

Oh me so flabby 

i thought about excercising today, but damn its raning and g-d knows I have no room on my floor..
i will walk this weekend.
will will will.


the doc called me at the ass crack of dawn--i dont' have POCD! My insulin and cholesterol are good (which damn makes me want to go eat a pile of onion rings),but my testosterone levels are high which accounts for the superficial stuff like acne and he suggests going on the pill. I am going to sleep on it-historically BC pills make me fat and cranky. He said despite my high bp I shouldnt' worry, but then he doens't know what a worry wart i am. First sign of a headache is aneurysm, my left arm falling asleep is a sure sign of a heart attack.

i was late again. between the call and i had a dream about my mom, who passed away last year, it was one of the only vivid dreams i have had with her. I could feel her hold on to me, though in the dream she was sick. I didnt' want to wake up.

crappy microwave huevos and turkey bacon for breakfast. One egg flew across the machine onto the side, so i just had one egg. drats!

drats! who the hell says that any more?

what i meant to say.. 

so tommorow i will get my lab results back. The nurse said they were back, but my Doc was out of the office and she wanted him to read them, not another doctor since he dealt with me. Nervewracking, but I rather someone who met me look at them and I appreciate their professionalism. If its fine, no I will not celebrate with a piece of cake, I need to get thin. I feel my belly hanging over my belt as I type. All my weight is in the front, big tits, big belly. My legs have always been thin until recently, my arms have gotten flabby. I want to be able to tuck a shirt in, not have a permanent bruise from my underwire bras, to wear again a bra that hooks in the front, shit, i have a little cyst on my stomach where my belt line is--the dermatolgist, that fucking snide bitch wrote it off as a zit, but she was obviously disgusted with me, even through her Botox face I could read it...


Winding Up 

Well I made it through "finding nemo" without stealing popcorn out of the hands of the 4-year old I took to the movie, though he was trying to get me to eat some--they start early. I chomped on my 30 pistachoes in the dark, sucking the salt of the shells, washing it down with my $100.00 diet coke.
Came home, famished, which is annoying since this already skinny lady in my office who is doing the SBD for those pesky last 5 lbs (pet peve--I mean, she should be in the 25+ club to join) claimed she was never hungry in Phase I, I wanted to say "you are probably never hungry anyway," but she is actually pretty nice. So I managed to George Forman a chicken breast with chii garlic paste, soy sauce,and some ginger-total ghetto gourmet, and I even steamed two artichockes, and I rosted that caulflower for tommorrow- and it tastes AWESOME! Garlic, olive oil, caulflower- 400 degrees for about an hour till its soft and browned. But the best part was my salad--I had two tiny tomatoes (I have to eat them quick those hydroponic tomatoes which really don't taste great go bad quick),fat-free feta crumbled,scallion,and this italian parslye yours truly grabbed thinking it was cilantro, ripped up with some oilve oil, vinegar, orengo and basil and black pepper! YUMMMM! The ricotta thing was a iittle better tonight bc I didn't spill 1.2 the can of chocolate into it, and i used more vanilla.

Maybe I should just slug the bottle of vanilla down and call it a night.

Meawhile, I found out me and my drunken crew of friends, mostly men, are going out of town for the 4th which means:
a)I am going to have a hard time sticking on the plan. I guess if we go out I can do the proteina nd veggies
b)the friend we are staying with is tall gorgeous thin, and has a house full of pop-tarts,twinkies,doritos,etc.
c)I know I will end up drinking, last time we went there it was 72 hrs of insanity. Perhaps I shall drink till I puke ;_0

tuesday, wish it were sundae 

Sigh. Woke up in a tizzy, I was late per usual, the toilet overflowed, it was all i could do to get out of the house-but then i had to make that stupid egg! I was determined, as late as I was, not to not have breakfast. So I slapped two slabs of turkey bacon in the microwave and then I did the smelly microwave egg thingie==i must say it was mere sustanence. The turkey bacon sort of tastes like slabs of salt. Thank G-d for salsa.

ooh, i just dropped jello down my bra--i want to lose weight, hopefully not in my chest!

i just had a salad with leftover grilled veggies, then some of that fake crabmeat with a little melted margarine over it. I was still hungry, so i put a few more chunks of the faux crab on my salad. Not shabby. Now eating the jello which is not my favorite thing. In fact I usually bitch about jello, so don't tell anyone i am eating it.

Made it this far.. 

Well,its midnight or so, and I think I've done pretty well for day one. I had a decent dinner--boiled shrimp with Old Bay, some grilled veggies, which I picked up at Harris Teeter--I was too hurried and hungry to cook, so I picked them up when I went to get my jello and ricotta. I ended up doing the cauliflower "mashed potatoes" I think its an exaggeration to think that they taste like potatoes, but it was decent-I need to get a real potato masher, I added garlic. I am going to try roasting the cauliflower as I believe I read a post on egullet about how good it is. The ricotta dessert sort of sucked, but it was b/c I was in a hurry and I ended up putting too much chocolate in it which made it bitter. Screw the three miniscule chocolate chips--its really a "why bother."

My big challegen came later in the evening. I went to the dollar movie, and my friend handed me money to get him popcorn while he saved seats. This place is usually a shithole, but they actually were popping the popcorn. Somehow I made it from the stand to the seat without eating one iota! Then we went to the bar, and I really wanted a beer, and then I ordered a vodka and soda, which I drank about 1/4 of, mostly because I was not in the mood for it and I didn't want to get loaded. So then, I asked for a ginger ale without thinking--I never drink caffeine after dinnertime b/c I have bad insomnia..I had one sip and then I was like "OH SHIT!" another dollar down the drain. It sucked to waste it, but I put some sugar free gum in my mouth and dealt with it.

Then I actually made my lunch for tommorrow-and kind of a dinner. Me and a co-worker are "borrowing" my boss' kid so we can see "Finding Nemo" because we really want to see it, and yes, he is adorable. So knowing that I will be not be at home until 8 or so, and I'll be hungry as hell, I packed the left over caulfilower and I think I have a can of tuna in my cube. I packed my 30 pistachoes for the movie (praying that the kid won't want them). I guess I am sort of confused if I can deviate by the amount of snacks. Like i am super hungry right now,if I had a pickle I'd be chomping on it guilt free, just like Anna Nicole.

I keep envisioning myself skinny and giving the world the finger. Wild on! is on E! right now and seeing the nightly parade of skinny bitches is good motivation.


arm good, tasty 

i am so goddamn hungry right now i want to gnaw my arm off--the laughing cow cheese celery thing didn't do the trick. I'll be home soon enough to eat din-din.

funny thing..a co-worker pointed out how they loaded our normally blah vending machine with some good stuff for a change. I told her how just last week I was determined to win the m&m contest $5000 every summer for a year..then i was lke, you know if I did win it with my luck some big giant yellow M&M would come rub me out..think about it..a big ass M&M driving down the road, running me off the highway "Officer, all I knew was that there was a M&M driving that vehicle.."
see what the lack of sugar does to a mind?

Mayim! Mayim! 

Water has never been my drink of choice. I get cranky if I don't have bubbles. Diet Coke is my crack. Luckily this diet allows diet sodas, but I do need to get my obligatory H20 in for the day..I'm on glass #2. Screw measuring it.

Years ago, while working on an Israeli Kibbutz, I found myself with the task of cooking for about 10 men, breakfast and lunch, in a trailer in the middle of the desert with no bathroom, constant sonic booms from fighter jets. Most days, I'd find myself out in the sun after I finished cooking and cleaning sipping on turkish coffee,smoking hardcore israeli cigarettes (Noblesse and Time), and listening to Radio Free Europe on my Walkman.

One day I started getting really dizzy and my stomach started hurting me, my Hebrew was for shit, and these guys chose not to speak English with me, as I was there to learn Hebrew (I should of listened to my friend who told me not to cook good, or I'd be asked to be back every day). Anyway, they cought on that I felt like ass because they started screaming at me one the only Hebrew words I knew-water "mayim" "Mayim! Mayim" I was dehydrated, and because of it, I was able to weasel my way out of that job.

Finishing up my not so bad lunch of canned salmon, filed greens with vinegrette. I forgot to buy that sugar free jello.

I just cursed the vending machine. "Bad machine! Bad!"


3 hours in 

i used to be a big breakfast person--i couldn't live without my breakfast and newspaper, or i'd be a raving bitch. Since i've moved out on my own, i quit getting the paper and started sleeping late--mostly over sleeping. Today, eating my eggs, v8, and a miniscule piece o' ham drove me to be late per usual.
So far, here at work, i am not hungry, but then i had a stomach ache this am, i think from loading up on crap in preparation for the diet--i already was offered a big honking blueberry muffin--mind you by somone who borrowed my SB book! declined. drinking coffee black, which i like right now.
ooh i can have my mid morning snack--think i will wait a tad


oh yeah 

if you are reading this blog and you have a diet blog, email me obabee@bust.com and I'll post a link!

New Beginning--or How To Drop Some El Bees In No Time Flat 

So its almost tomorrow--or it might be tommorrow, my computer clock is for shit. Regardless, I've stuffed my gullet the past two days with carbs! carbs! carbs! as I am going to start my trek to a sexy bod by doing the "South Beach Diet" when I wake up in the AM. Sure I am being cliche'--I'll start on Monday. Sure I am taking a risk starting it before my favorite beer soaked holiday July 4th (does any say "Independence Day?" anymore? What happened to "St. Valentine's day?")

There are oodles of reasons why I am starting this diet here are a few:
1. I weigh 170 plus or minus a pound--I don't own a scale, so this was my last weight when I weighed myself after sleeping with this jerk on his bathroom scale.
2. I weigh 170 and I am a hair under 5ft. Not good.
3. I am 34 and I have high blood pressure and acid reflux/esophigatis which I take daily meds for. I also am awaiting the results of blood tests I took last week which may determine if I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (sometimes known as Polycistic Ovarian Disease) which one of the symptoms is Insulin Resistance--not to mention infertility, hypertension, hirstuism, hair loss, and lots of other fun shit. Now I may NOT, and I pray NOT have this ailment, but regardless, I need to change my eating habits because.
4. I FEEL LIKE CRAP! I get utterly exhausted in the middle of the day, when i get hungry i get really hungry and cranky, my knees hurt and its starting to be a chore to get up when say i drop something on the floor.
5. I am an attractive person, and while i know that, most of society seems to want me to be slim and i've had a chequered love life, and sadly i am just not attracting quality men, or even crappy men at my current weight. Sure i know that is only part of the pie, but you have to start somewhere.
6. The thinnest i ever was was about 8 years ago, i was 123. i looked great, i dont' really know HOW i lost it other than i was working retail and was on my feet a lot, eating mostly lean cuisines and the internet had just taken off and i spent most of my waking hours in front of the computer not snacking. i slowly gained it back after i got an office job, among other reasons which i'll dicuss another time.
7. i've never been a big dieter, because my mother (may she rest in peace) was a life time dieter and that was a big struggle with us. Another topic to be dicussed another day.
8, So, I've read 85% of Dr. Agaston's book, save two chapters which I'll read before bed. It really seems so reasonable and not at all like bullshit. I did Atkins for a couple of weeks a few years back and felt lick uter crap. I didn't like the idea of Ketosis and having bad breath, I felt like a smelly piece of meat from all hardcore protein. I actually like vegetables. I don't crave a slab of cow with a quart of cream to wash it down. I think that is why men love that diet and are sucessful This diet seems like a happy medium. I dont' have a huge sweet tooth--or rather a sweet tooth to crave say candy an cookies just when i am pmsing, but I do eat loads of pasta, lots of pasta--I don't eat bread with meals. I love bananas, I will miss them dearly. I'll miss sushi. I'll have to find control to have sashimi and not eat the rice. I will really really miss BEER!! That is going to be the biggest hurdle. Luckily I do like red wine, but i frequent rock clubs, not wine bars. I am sure I will find a way around my weekend warrior binges. There are plenty of other mind altering substances that have no calories ;-) (not that would be condoned--but it does seem very south beach euro trash)

I can't believe I wrote so much, and there is so much more to write...so much more.....

nighty night!

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