a)I feel like ass on this diet
b)yes, i've lost weight 5lbs now, but I think that the book is sort of misleading in that it advertises you are going to lose A LOT of weight quick. I am impatient, that's why I chose it. I also does not empasize that you need to excercise that much. Bullshit
c) I realized that if I want to live a normal life, a normal thin life without having to be neurotic about my food choices..
1)If I want to lose weight and drink this shit is not going to work.
2)I need to drink water. I am so bad about this
3)I need to excercise
With this all said, I and a co-worker have decided to join Weight Watchers. I've done it before..I mean, I can at least have a beer without guilt and lose weight. She and I are also joining curves together.
I just feel like this Carbo thing is making me nuts. I have been very good. I mean today, let's see I had a1/2 a small bagel and a few pieces of mandrin oranges, and some beans..I don't know. Its just not USER FRIENDLy.
Things I will take away from this experience though, is that I will watch what carbs I do eat, I am going to even on WW, try to make sure I limit my bad carb choices, and also eating more veggies, bringing lunches, not pigging out. I havent' hit the vending machine.
So with this all said. For those of you, and I think you are few, who have read this blog. Adios. I've decided to keep blogging, and that is another thing. I have so much else to write and the topic of this blog has limited me. Perhaps I will try the SBD again, but if I blog it, it will be in another context.
Also, and perhaps this is an whole other thread, but I do socially go out and drink usually 3x a week. I wouldn't classify myself as an alcholic, as i don't *need* to drink, but I do *like8 to drink..I guess its part of my socialization..going out with my friends for beer/cocktails, seeing local bands..I don't want to do what a friend i know who was on WW did--she'd save all her points for one day for drinking and then be starving. Also, a lot of the places I go do not serve good wine. I like wine a lot, and i refuse to have a crappy class of it...
On a postive note, I definitely am eating healthier on this diet i.e more veggies, but I just don't know. Maybe I am retaining water.
I am kind of having 2nd thoughts about this diet. Truly. 1)my stomach has felt nasty for a couple of days, not unsimilar to how I felt on Atkins...that gross non-bread feeling. I already take meds for reflux. In anycase, i put my ass on Phase II today, eating a piece of bread was not as thrillng as I thought it would be, but I do feel a bit better.
I did have a momentary laspe of reasoning this weekend. It was 4 am, my friend had made some homemade eggrolls and sweet and sour sauce. 'nuff said.
I am going to stay on track this week and weigh myself either tommorrow or wed. i can't join the gym as planned--$$$. Next payday hopefully. I am going to try some walking if its not storming out tonight
meanwhile, i am freaking out because i had surgery to remove a pilonoidal cyst this winter, and I think its returning and I can't NOT take another surgery, and recovery again. I just can't. I am also going to go see that cunt bitch dematologist who led me to believe I might have POCD today, for another thing. I promise to be nice.
She had invited some of her other friends. One was a woman I will call 'diet damage' girl. I had brought up that I was doing the SBD, as I couldn't have one of the awesome looking fruity concoctions. This girl was very thin, and to make a long story short was your classic weight obssessed skinny woman. "I haven't eaten pasta in years!" "I always count fat!" I wanted to kick her ass until she revealed she used to be very heavy. I really dont want to get like that. Like I am borderline carb paranoia already. My mother, who has since past, let dieting rule her life and kind of mine. Thin=happy. Fat=sad. I will get into it another day.
So it wasn't super hard to order, I got this scallop dish that normally has pasta, but I requested extra asparagus instead. It was good, not a whole lot of food, but I was moderately full.
Afterwards, I made my escape to my scale having friends house. I guess it was a bad time to weigh myself==night, I had just eaten, clothes on etc.. In any case I think I lost 4 lbs. By THINK, is that I mean, the last time I weighed myself, I was butt-nekkid, post sex, at this bozo's house to whom I no longer speak. His scale was pretty damn old, and this one was fresh out of the box. I can tell I've lost some by how my clothes fit. Like this blouse I am wearing today normally sort of stretches a lot in the chest area. Not today!!!
Regardless, I have 50lbs to go. I want to be the 123 I was. Its seem so impossible. So far away. i can't even think of how I got to that weight so long ago. I forgot what it feels like. I have to accept, I am going to have to excercise. We get paid next week, and I am going to Curves. I dont' know if i've mentioned it, but all my weight is truly in my gut. I have a big belly and little legs. Though not as little as they once were....
I must pretend to work ;-)
Meanwhile, I forgot I DID NOT WEIGH in. Nope. I was half way to Kelly's house, stopped for batteries for the scale and my stomach just started grumbling. I knew I wouldn't make it to her house, so quickly drove home. I think it was the large amount of veggies I ate. Or perhaps it was that lone bite of chicken. Stupid clucker.
One more comment on the other SBD blog, I just looked at it, its like quotes from the book. Whatever. I feel her paint. We're all on the USS FAT wanting to be on the Skinny Ship. I blogrolled it, the link is on the page.
a)I am going to weigh myself for the first time since i've started this diet tonight. I am scared.
b)Looks like I got some blogpetition I am tempted to be jealous or pissed off or to be lilke I tarted this first, but I got to support my peeps. I just didn't take that url, as I thought with my luck I'd get sued or something.
c)part of me wants to make this just a regular stinking blog, as there are lots of things I'd like to share that are more adult oriented, but I guess I can do two blogs. Can't I?
wish me luck!
P.S. Dinner was leftover from last night. I couldn't' eat the chicken. Just couldn't.
more later folks..
Stuck to the diet last night--had tofu stirfry. I made some chicken for tonight. You know, I really hate chicken. I need to quit buying it. I mean, I never CRAVE chicken. Do you? I mean sure hot wings, and some KFC ain't shabby. My mother made decent roast chicken, but it just is kind of 'eh.' I could live without chickens--well not their eggs.
Ok, I did have 3/4 a Corona, but fuggedabout it.
Just ate what was supposed to be my lunch yesterday, and was sort of my brunch today-leftover steak and asparagus.
my boss is out of town, and she forgot to tell me. lucky for me, because i overslept--again.
Apparently, it didn't bother me enough to remember what happened.
I wish I didn't love beer so much.
Its sad i am thinking about beer at almost 2pm. I think I need to get off the next stop of the party train.
some evil person left cookies there earlier.
i am strong i am strong i am strong
Another observation: I can now navigate the store without going down certain isles, it makes life a lot easier.
Kelly said I can come over and weigh myself this week. I don't own a scale. I'd be a slave to it. This one woman at work had one in her cube b/c we had Weight Watchers there (our own bootleg version), but she was gone and so was her scale.
Ted made me an awesome logo for this site. When I get paid, I am upgrading my bloger and blogspot, so hopefully my loyal readers will have a spell-checked, ad-free page to read.
I guess I will sleep.
I feel like utter ass today. Perhaps it is because I was up until 2 am, drinking and singing at "Rick's" cookout. I mean, I had a wonderful time, an old college pal showed up, and post fireworks, and yes Hot Dogs-(-I had like spoonful of potato salad, but I think 6 beers and Cap't Morgans and pineapple negated any efforts) he scouted out the guitar, and our rock'n'roll asses were singing and having a wonderful time. So, that was the 4th day in a row I slept on a couch. Ouch! Somehow I woke up, dragged myself home in time to take a shower and got to work, I didn't have time to cook, so I started back on Phase I, my messed up version, with a cheese stick and a piece of ham that freaked me out and I threw out the car window (hey, its biodegrable) I had a 1.2 can tuna @ work, but that grossed me out as well. "Sandy" took me to lunch today. The deli didnt' have any salad left--there delivery was messed up b/c of the holiday so I had a hamburger no bun, and some onion soup no croutons..I was sort of stumped what to eat. I couldn't after she asked me why I had these bruises on my arms (who the hell knows), and she said "It looks like someone niggerfrogged you"--this girl is so crass and racist and I am like "what?!" She goes on to say its like a nuggie, but not on your head. I am not PC at all, but that one threw me for a loop. Free lunch with a racist..
I WASN"T THAT BAD.
As predicted, I partied from the moment I put my ass in "Bob's" car (his girfried was DD) and I guess not having any carbs all week made the beer do a double whammy on my ass, because I was trashed the moment my foot got out of the car in richmond. I had a wonderful time, and despite that I drank a shitload, I didn't eat a whole hell of a lot--though on Friday am, I woke up to everyone muching on Doritos and popcorn, but we went out for lunch and I had a greek salad, a grilled cheese (bad! but when you're hungove ryou have to have grease), and two bloody marys. We walked around all day, so I really wasn't too concerned, and I didn't eat the fries that came with the sandwhich, ok one or two..that night we ate out again, and I got a hamburger, but I didn't eat the bun and yes, I ate a couple of fries, but we also had some nachos..and Beer..
Yesterday what iddi I eat, 1/2 a crappy roastbeef sanwhich from Hardee's. Yucko place, and I really don't trust their chicken. My dad and I ended up at Chili's and I did fairly well there, I had some kind of southwest salad, but I asked them for no corn or tortillas. but then I had a beer. Then I watched movies ('The legend of Ron Jermey" and "Slingblade") with my friends, and I ended up with POPCORN and a slice of pizza.
But I SWEAR Y'all, I am thiner today than I was last week, granted I am almost off my period, but I feel it.
So I just got on back on track this morning iwth my eggs and turkey bacon. I have one last fete' to attend to today, so we'll see.
I will try to be good. I am going to the pool.
In the interim, I was soo hurried this morning, all I ate was a few cashews, a laugh cow cheese, I am finishing up a "Lemon Twist" V8, very yummy, and dare I admit it--a small Slim-Jim. Hell, I was at the Handy-Hugo attached to a MCDonald's that's pretty damn good.
ohh here's my letter see you later!
I am waitng for my boss to send me a letter so I'll be running around the rest of the afternoon.
I forgot to defrost any chicken, so I opted for tofu--I made basically ghetto stirfry: tofu, frozen veggies, and about 500 spices, Sriracha sauce, soy sauce, ginger, water chestnuts, more scallions (that's what happens when you're single and a fridge full of veggies--y ou have to eat them all at once), and a few cashews. It was quite yummy, and I didn't really care if I had rice or not. In the meantime I screwed up by opening my bag of cashews--I had bought a big back at J.R.Tobacco (this humongus tsckotche shop of crap you really don't need, but some cool stuff mixed in like discontinued cosmetics and perfume) on the way home from GSO awhile back "for company" and now that it open, its one of those foods I can't stop eating. I've been good. Its that salty/fat combo that gets me every time.
must go pick up my laundry.
i will walk this weekend.
will will will.
i was late again. between the call and i had a dream about my mom, who passed away last year, it was one of the only vivid dreams i have had with her. I could feel her hold on to me, though in the dream she was sick. I didnt' want to wake up.
crappy microwave huevos and turkey bacon for breakfast. One egg flew across the machine onto the side, so i just had one egg. drats!
drats! who the hell says that any more?
Came home, famished, which is annoying since this already skinny lady in my office who is doing the SBD for those pesky last 5 lbs (pet peve--I mean, she should be in the 25+ club to join) claimed she was never hungry in Phase I, I wanted to say "you are probably never hungry anyway," but she is actually pretty nice. So I managed to George Forman a chicken breast with chii garlic paste, soy sauce,and some ginger-total ghetto gourmet, and I even steamed two artichockes, and I rosted that caulflower for tommorrow- and it tastes AWESOME! Garlic, olive oil, caulflower- 400 degrees for about an hour till its soft and browned. But the best part was my salad--I had two tiny tomatoes (I have to eat them quick those hydroponic tomatoes which really don't taste great go bad quick),fat-free feta crumbled,scallion,and this italian parslye yours truly grabbed thinking it was cilantro, ripped up with some oilve oil, vinegar, orengo and basil and black pepper! YUMMMM! The ricotta thing was a iittle better tonight bc I didn't spill 1.2 the can of chocolate into it, and i used more vanilla.
Maybe I should just slug the bottle of vanilla down and call it a night.
Meawhile, I found out me and my drunken crew of friends, mostly men, are going out of town for the 4th which means:
a)I am going to have a hard time sticking on the plan. I guess if we go out I can do the proteina nd veggies
b)the friend we are staying with is tall gorgeous thin, and has a house full of pop-tarts,twinkies,doritos,etc.
c)I know I will end up drinking, last time we went there it was 72 hrs of insanity. Perhaps I shall drink till I puke ;_0
ooh, i just dropped jello down my bra--i want to lose weight, hopefully not in my chest!
i just had a salad with leftover grilled veggies, then some of that fake crabmeat with a little melted margarine over it. I was still hungry, so i put a few more chunks of the faux crab on my salad. Not shabby. Now eating the jello which is not my favorite thing. In fact I usually bitch about jello, so don't tell anyone i am eating it.
My big challegen came later in the evening. I went to the dollar movie, and my friend handed me money to get him popcorn while he saved seats. This place is usually a shithole, but they actually were popping the popcorn. Somehow I made it from the stand to the seat without eating one iota! Then we went to the bar, and I really wanted a beer, and then I ordered a vodka and soda, which I drank about 1/4 of, mostly because I was not in the mood for it and I didn't want to get loaded. So then, I asked for a ginger ale without thinking--I never drink caffeine after dinnertime b/c I have bad insomnia..I had one sip and then I was like "OH SHIT!" another dollar down the drain. It sucked to waste it, but I put some sugar free gum in my mouth and dealt with it.
Then I actually made my lunch for tommorrow-and kind of a dinner. Me and a co-worker are "borrowing" my boss' kid so we can see "Finding Nemo" because we really want to see it, and yes, he is adorable. So knowing that I will be not be at home until 8 or so, and I'll be hungry as hell, I packed the left over caulfilower and I think I have a can of tuna in my cube. I packed my 30 pistachoes for the movie (praying that the kid won't want them). I guess I am sort of confused if I can deviate by the amount of snacks. Like i am super hungry right now,if I had a pickle I'd be chomping on it guilt free, just like Anna Nicole.
I keep envisioning myself skinny and giving the world the finger. Wild on! is on E! right now and seeing the nightly parade of skinny bitches is good motivation.
funny thing..a co-worker pointed out how they loaded our normally blah vending machine with some good stuff for a change. I told her how just last week I was determined to win the m&m contest $5000 every summer for a year..then i was lke, you know if I did win it with my luck some big giant yellow M&M would come rub me out..think about it..a big ass M&M driving down the road, running me off the highway "Officer, all I knew was that there was a M&M driving that vehicle.."
see what the lack of sugar does to a mind?
Years ago, while working on an Israeli Kibbutz, I found myself with the task of cooking for about 10 men, breakfast and lunch, in a trailer in the middle of the desert with no bathroom, constant sonic booms from fighter jets. Most days, I'd find myself out in the sun after I finished cooking and cleaning sipping on turkish coffee,smoking hardcore israeli cigarettes (Noblesse and Time), and listening to Radio Free Europe on my Walkman.
One day I started getting really dizzy and my stomach started hurting me, my Hebrew was for shit, and these guys chose not to speak English with me, as I was there to learn Hebrew (I should of listened to my friend who told me not to cook good, or I'd be asked to be back every day). Anyway, they cought on that I felt like ass because they started screaming at me one the only Hebrew words I knew-water "mayim" "Mayim! Mayim" I was dehydrated, and because of it, I was able to weasel my way out of that job.
Finishing up my not so bad lunch of canned salmon, filed greens with vinegrette. I forgot to buy that sugar free jello.
I just cursed the vending machine. "Bad machine! Bad!"
So far, here at work, i am not hungry, but then i had a stomach ache this am, i think from loading up on crap in preparation for the diet--i already was offered a big honking blueberry muffin--mind you by somone who borrowed my SB book! declined. drinking coffee black, which i like right now.
ooh i can have my mid morning snack--think i will wait a tad
There are oodles of reasons why I am starting this diet here are a few:
1. I weigh 170 plus or minus a pound--I don't own a scale, so this was my last weight when I weighed myself after sleeping with this jerk on his bathroom scale.
2. I weigh 170 and I am a hair under 5ft. Not good.
3. I am 34 and I have high blood pressure and acid reflux/esophigatis which I take daily meds for. I also am awaiting the results of blood tests I took last week which may determine if I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (sometimes known as Polycistic Ovarian Disease) which one of the symptoms is Insulin Resistance--not to mention infertility, hypertension, hirstuism, hair loss, and lots of other fun shit. Now I may NOT, and I pray NOT have this ailment, but regardless, I need to change my eating habits because.
4. I FEEL LIKE CRAP! I get utterly exhausted in the middle of the day, when i get hungry i get really hungry and cranky, my knees hurt and its starting to be a chore to get up when say i drop something on the floor.
5. I am an attractive person, and while i know that, most of society seems to want me to be slim and i've had a chequered love life, and sadly i am just not attracting quality men, or even crappy men at my current weight. Sure i know that is only part of the pie, but you have to start somewhere.
6. The thinnest i ever was was about 8 years ago, i was 123. i looked great, i dont' really know HOW i lost it other than i was working retail and was on my feet a lot, eating mostly lean cuisines and the internet had just taken off and i spent most of my waking hours in front of the computer not snacking. i slowly gained it back after i got an office job, among other reasons which i'll dicuss another time.
7. i've never been a big dieter, because my mother (may she rest in peace) was a life time dieter and that was a big struggle with us. Another topic to be dicussed another day.
8, So, I've read 85% of Dr. Agaston's book, save two chapters which I'll read before bed. It really seems so reasonable and not at all like bullshit. I did Atkins for a couple of weeks a few years back and felt lick uter crap. I didn't like the idea of Ketosis and having bad breath, I felt like a smelly piece of meat from all hardcore protein. I actually like vegetables. I don't crave a slab of cow with a quart of cream to wash it down. I think that is why men love that diet and are sucessful This diet seems like a happy medium. I dont' have a huge sweet tooth--or rather a sweet tooth to crave say candy an cookies just when i am pmsing, but I do eat loads of pasta, lots of pasta--I don't eat bread with meals. I love bananas, I will miss them dearly. I'll miss sushi. I'll have to find control to have sashimi and not eat the rice. I will really really miss BEER!! That is going to be the biggest hurdle. Luckily I do like red wine, but i frequent rock clubs, not wine bars. I am sure I will find a way around my weekend warrior binges. There are plenty of other mind altering substances that have no calories ;-) (not that would be condoned--but it does seem very south beach euro trash)
I can't believe I wrote so much, and there is so much more to write...so much more.....